The Finale....

John Morris – OldGit's Finale

The light that burned so brightly in the 'Oldgits' blogger eyes was very sadly extinguished on November 26th 2016. John Morris, 79 had passed away with his family around him.

The mystery illness mentioned in the last few published blogs turned out to be a very rare aggressive leukaemia.

We had half expected to be left instructions with something witty and similar to Spike Milligan’s epitaph ‘I told you I was ill’ and a username & password encouraging Oldgit's continuance.

There were neither.

A few requests/comments were delivered from a hospital bed very shortly after the oncologist had delivered the killer news….

‘I’ve had a great life and loved every moment I have spent with all of my family & friends’

‘I don’t want a funeral where all those people that didn’t really like me turn and say nice things about me… just have a party for those you know I would want to finish off the wine cellar!’

No funeral ? - Those of you that have followed the blog or read some of his kindle books will be familiar that religion didn’t figure in his life!!

(Kindle Books)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/John-Morris/e/B019CU7U42/ref=la_B019CU7U42_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1481300156&sr=1-1

If only that bloody illness had waited 2-3 months more we would all have seen a whole heap of blogs about Trump ( I say what I like… and like what I say)/ Teresa Maybe brexit/ Boris (er…perhaps free movement is a jolly good idea after all) / and the chosen one Mourinho choses not to pay UK tax allegedly!

Over 7 weeks of illness we never heard a complaint… and the sharp humour remained…

On being admitted to an acute assessment unit, he enquired from the oncologist that looked younger than his grand children ‘How long have you been doing this?’ The lovely Sally smiled, but understood the question really meant ‘do you know what you are doing?’ , and quickly got a reply ‘I have been a doctor for 6 years, and yes I do still need my driving license to buy a bottle of wine!’ And ‘how much do you drink Mr Morris?’ got the reply YES … humour, quick witted, and a liking to wine.. they were gonna get on just fine…

Do you feel any pain? Brought the response ‘no are you gonna give me some?’ and as the biopsy & bone marrow analysis unfolded and diagnosis moved from lymphoma to leukaemia he requested if further analysis might bring the news that it was really just a bad cough!

There might have been a distant chance with a GSK drug but it was not available on the NHS , ‘what about for shareholders?’ he asked…

On Tuesday 22^nd Sally delivered the news that whilst a chemo blast was still an option he was in an awful state and whilst it might prolong life a short amount, it would be unlikely to come with any quality of life…

‘I think we are done here – get me home please’ came the response to which Sally replied it might take 2 days to arrange. A tiny expletive left Sally very clear he was going home that day and she didn't let him down. As she asked him to think very carefully about his decision to not have chemo she expressed that it would probably be a matter of only 2 weeks left. Sally smiled as she listened to a discussion around whether it would be possible to finish the Chateau Musar collection in that time! Sadly it wasn’t.

In the 2 weeks that have passed since the dreaded day we have laughed a lot… and he would have wanted us to…

Should we ask the undertakers for a cash discount, he would!

Did we want anything put in the coffin? His toolbox cos his tools never really worked very well in his hands!

We have cried plenty as well – especially when reading what people genuinely thought about him, as it both amplifies the loss and our pride. Its when you reflect that there is a realisation that this was a man that had little interest in material things, was never motivated by money, was incredibly funny, and his real interest in life was people.

We come in with nothing, and we leave with nothing. We leave memories for those left behind and if we are able to leave those same quality memories that John has left, we will have be extremely lucky to have inherited those exceptional qualities…. 

Dad, you did us all proud… thank you  xxxx

    Saturday 15^th October – has ‘The Donald’ finally blown it as women come out of the woodwork with alleged assaults? With no time to examine and challenge the allegations Trump has to let them run and fight them any way he can. That guarantees a fascinating final debate with Hilary. Bill Clinton might want use earplugs and under no circumstances smoke a cigar.  And what a brilliant diversion to suggest drug tests before the debate? It would finally reduce the election of the most powerful person on the planet to a sporting event. At least that would strike a chord with the millions worldwide that view politicians with distaste.

    Sunday 16^th October – back to the real world at last. A bloke in Honduras has had to have his penis amputated after getting it stuck in a bottle for four days. When it went black and began to rot he finally overcame his embarrassment and went to hospital. The surgeon who performed the operation has repositioned the urethra so that the patient can urinate. With no information about the repositioning you wouldn’t want to stand next to him in the urinal, especially if you were wearing decent shoes. I see him as another victim of the switch from glass bottles to the everlasting plastic. He could have smashed a glass one!

    Britain and the US are considering economic sanctions against Russia over bombings in Aleppo. At least they have stopped murmuring about the gross stupidity of ‘no fly’ zones that would be likely to lead to shooting war. Typically, they are too late in stepping up to the plate. While they dithered, Putin acted and he has been on the front foot ever since. That’s unlikely to change and the final scenario will involve Assad in power over at least a part of Syria and Russia with a base in Syria.

    Tuesday 18th October – a Russian fleet seems to be heading for the English Channel en-route for the Eastern Mediterranean to support Assad in Syria. Instead of shadowing it with naval ships and aircraft I suggest that P&O and Cunard pull all their cruise liners into The Channel. Passengers would almost certainly pay a premium to escort the heavily armed fleet. It would also give Entertainment Managers the opportunity to organize great British ‘sailaways’ throughout daylight hours. Pop music combined with passengers singing Rule Britannia and waving plastic flags would cause more embarrassment to the warships than anything our armed forces can muster.   

    Tuesday 11^th October – I must be feeling a touch better. I’m sitting with my PC on my lap shouting abuse at politicians on the television.

    The destruction of Aleppo is an offence to the human race but one with an inevitable end. The opposition fighters of whatever group will continue to hold positions within densely populated civilian areas. That way they try to win public support since Assad’s forces, Putin backed, will inevitably kill civilians as they drive to take Aleppo. And they will take Aleppo, while the western world wrings its hands and shouts foul in various guises. Then we have Boris Johnson calling for demonstrations outside the Russian embassy. The call is sure to be taken up – left wing groups like their demonstrations. When they occur I suggest that the British Embassy in Russia quickly place an order for tin hats since the Russians won’t take it lying down. In England, our police will have the task of controlling the demonstration/s. Does anybody believe that Russian police will do the same. To whom can we turn to protect us from politicians?  

    While on the subject of politicians, we now have another bunch of clowns hiding in dark places before leaping out to scare the living daylights of any passer by. A simple solution would be to allow drivers two clowns each on their current licence. They would quickly become a threatened species.

    Thursday 29^th September – Jonathon Dunne, the man behind the Tube Chat badges has been surprised by the reaction of travellers. He thinks it is a great idea to wear the badge to encourage people to chat on the tube as they travel to and from work. Four out of five offered the badge refused point blank but he is not easily put off and has ordered another delivery to prove the point. A card handed out with each badge tells people they will ‘benefit from a daily chat’. Our experience of rush hour travel on the tube doesn’t suggest that chat would improve things. You share bodily contact with total strangers, odours of unidentifiable types and pushing and shoving at every stop. Approached by a smiling stranger, tapping his/her badge with a finger and suggesting a chat could get some interesting results. We are currently investing in some badges that we plan to hand out. The message is simple. SPEAK TO ME AT YOUR OWN RISK.

    Monday 3^rd October – hit by so far unidentified illness. Whatever it is it has flattened me so no blog this week. Hope to be back next week.

    Friday 23^rd September – Francois Hollande is talking tough about the Calais ‘jungle camp’, vowing to close it and relocate the inhabitants in weeks. They will be transferred to reception centres around France as their cases are examined. Migrants who do not seek asylum will be deported. It is not often that we agree with the French President but in this he is absolutely correct. If migrants do not seek asylum they have no right to stay in France or to move on to another European country. If Hollande walks the talk it will send a clear message to migrants who are travelling the length of Europe to target their ‘preferred countries. If the migrants begin to understand that failure to claim asylum in the first safe country they reach will result in immediate deportation the dangerous sea journeys might cease.

     Saturday 24^th September – a woman in Moscow has been killed by a tram.  She stood in the middle of the tram tracks to look at her phone and we hope she received a happy message since it was to be her last. Clearly she hadn’t downloaded the ‘beware the tram’ app!!

    In an interview with Andrew Marr earlier in September Owen Smith said he was 100% sure he could win the Labour leadership. With the polls saying mission impossible we wondered which cloud he lived on. After his massive win, Corbyn told Smith they were part of the same Labour family. We feel fairly sure that JC views Smith like the relative nobody mentions when talking about their family.   

    Sunday 25^th September – Scotland is famous for many things but we’ve had some doubts about their deep fried delicacies – Mars bars, etc. But the latest one we’ve seen has to be the weirdest – deep fried pizza. It seemed unimaginable but a taste might change your mind – but only a tiny taste. It seems sure to catch on and reduce life expectation even further in Scotland.

    Hundreds of skinny dippers bared all and dashed into the freezing North Sea in Northumberland this morning. The annual event is a fund-raiser for the charity MIND and the event is now in its fifth year. The charity gives first class support to those with mental problems and may be required to give aid in future to anybody who skinny dips in the North Sea on a regular basis.

    Monday 26^th September – Clinton v Trump became insignificant as conspiracy sites reported that asteroid 2009ES was on course to collide with earth. The 10-mile wide asteroid would strike earth with the force of three billion nuclear bombs. There’s a thought. But rest easy, the conspiracy theorists got it wrong and the asteroid passed by without causing a ripple. NASA claims to have detected about 97% of the ‘planet killer’ asteroids and say that no large object is likely to strike earth in the next several hundred years. Since that threat has gone we can get back to the big debate. With the polls suggesting a close run thing, will ‘The Donald’ be the biggest asteroid to strike in the near future. Perhaps the real decision for the American people is much simpler. Clinton will offer more of the same while Trump offers change.

    Tuesday 27^th September – we can’t keep ‘The Jungle’ in Calais out of the news. Reports that female aid workers are travelling there for sex generated a few smiles in the pub. We’re on the lookout for the first of those box number ads from men seeking women.

Young man 16-24 approx. seeks a woman from the UK for friendship and perhaps more. He has his own home, fully waterproofed in a pleasant French seaside town. He enjoys socializing and regular strolls along the local motorways to view freight transport. Age is no barrier to the right woman who would like to meet a man with high energy levels.

Ben summed it up quite well. “Maybe these so called aid workers have the wrong definition of relief.”

    Mathias Doepfner, German Chief Executive of publishing giant Axel Springer, says that in the medium term the UK will be a highly attractive alternative to the EU. Freedom to implement a talent-oriented immigration policy would have a positive effect on the UK economy. Nice one Mathias.